i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
