why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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