My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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