Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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