Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
