My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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