An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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