So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
