Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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