had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
