So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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