Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
