We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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