You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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