Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
