If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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