yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
