I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
