I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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