Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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