She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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