Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
