he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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