so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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