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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i always forget guys have bellybuttons

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

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• (805): View more from California

  i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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• (646): View more from New York

  last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good

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• (914): View more from New York

  He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.

  (682): View more from Texas

  That's completely alright, I do it a lot.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  we need to invent and abuse teleportation

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• (585): View more from New York

  I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He just brought a live lobster to the party.

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