May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize