we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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