im six kinds of drunk right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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