I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize