Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
