If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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