She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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