I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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