the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
