Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
