Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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