those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
