Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
