I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize