im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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