Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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