If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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