Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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