All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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