You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
