I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
