i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
