I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
