i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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