she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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