when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
