in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
