The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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