Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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