please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
