i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
