you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
