why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
