She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
