Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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