At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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