Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
