New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
