Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
handjob tips. give me some.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
