i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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