alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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