plz talk dirty to me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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