I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
