You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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