She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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