Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
