I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
