good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
