What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
