I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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