On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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